"I want to live where soul meets body..."

dude. so, its been a while since i have posted. and its mainly been because ive been so damn busy. seriously. i havent had a weekend to even clean my apartment, let alone relax and kick it with my friends in about 4 months or so. and work has been hella-busy. its unreal. a member of my family is sick and does not have long to live, so i have been spending all free weekends with this person and then the other weekends are taken up by frisbee. which i havent played in over a month. but none of this 'woe-is-me' crap. well, maybe a little. but not on purpose. or at least masked a little.

so, being so busy and having so much on my mind creates this situation that i dont like a lot. and that situaton is that my relationships in my life suffer. not that they go to crap, but the quality of them is diminished. for example, my current romantic relationship has turned into the "10pm girlfriend syndrome" where we're both so busy that its rare we see each other before 10pm each night. which, of course, sucks because when you want to spend time with someone you want to go out and do cool things that are new and exciting and both people enjoy. and, to be totally fair, we do occasionally get to do these things. but definately not as often i [or she] would like.

in the same vein, my friendships have also suffered. its been months since ive been around on ANY weekend, so the last time i cooked out [i.e. grilled meat while drinking beer] with my best friend from wake and his roommate [with whom ive also become good friends] must have been at least 3 months ago. and i dont see it happening for at least another month. and i havent seen nate [bassist in the band] for like, ever either. yes, nate, i still love you. in that manly, gay, homosexual kind of way. staying this course of friendships, i havent even hung out with MY roommate in over a month. ok, maybe thats not totally true. we hang out on occassion. but to live with someone and then to actually see them once every-other week or so its just crazy to me.

so lets say i were to order this situation off a menu. or wait, even better. i was in a class and this was a "problem solving exercise", and the solution needed to be something that would allow for person a [thats me] to fulfill his/her [his in this case. at least thats what the doctors tell me] family obligations [editor's note: the word 'obligation' is not really right here. the writer is trying to get the point across that in a perfect word this is not how his time would be spent, but due to the situation at hand this how he needs and wants to spend his time, with his ailing grandmother. in a perfect world, time would be spent with family, but there wouldnt be this rush to "cram" time spent in. get it?] and also to spend time with the other people that he cares about in his/her life. if this were the case, i'd say the solution to the situation on paper is easy. divide up the time, spend it evenly [maybe lean a little more towards the family stuff, but we're not talking an 80/20 type model] and quit bitching.

but its a little more complicated than that. throw in a few frisbee teams [which, again, i havent played with in months], a band that tries to rehearse a couple times a week, a gym membership, and work. seriously. when am i supposed to sleep? so, how does this play out in real life?

point is this: it doesnt matter how this plays out in real life. the most important thing right now to me is my family and thats where i want to spend my time. to be told you are going to lose one of the most central people in your life, someone you have grown up with and has helped you every step of your life is something that im sure isnt even going to hit as reality until its over. and im not even going to pretend that i understand or am prepared for all the emotions that will happen from now until then. some people may say its too personal to talk about, especially on some bullshit blog. and thats true, that may be the case. but talking about it helps me, so its what i'll do. and everyone who is my friend understands my priorities and why i havent been around much. but what im trying to say is that im not trying to throw all these relationships away, and i'll be back and soon. but right now, things are gonna be tough.

"and let the sun wrap its arms around me"