so this past tuesday i got a kitten. "frank the tank" is his name. he is a little under 2 pounds. half ragdoll, half himalayan, light [whiteish] body with chocolate ears, face, paws and tail and blue eyes. close to the cutest thing ive ever seen. that bastard. here's the problem. well, there are two:
problem 1: my lease says i cant have pets unless my landlord approves it. i got frank before knowing that, and so called my landlord to tell him that my mom bought him for me as a present, i read the lease, so i am asking for permission. i have even offered a pet deposit so that he will feel more at ease about it. turns out he said "no". so, its not like i can hide him because my landlord already knows.
problem 2: i cant remember what problem two was because between the time when i started writing this and now, a new and definate answer has arisen to all problems;
the new and final answer: i cannot keep frank. my parents are going to take him and raise him until i either a) convince my landlord its "ok" for me to have a kitten/cat or b) i move out at the end of august. another compelling reason to move out is the goddamn kids upstairs who wont stop RUNNING BACK AND FORTH and STOMPING above our heads every 5 or 6 seconds. good lord.
that being said, my life with frank has brought me to a few conclusions. first; kittens take a HELL of a lot of work. they dont really understand "no claws" or "dont jump" or "FRANK. STOP BITING ME" even after you tell them 50 or 100 or 150 or 200039584 times. after a while im sure he'll get it. second; a kitten's "mew" [i say 'mew' instead of 'meow' because this is a more accurate description of the sound that comes out of his mouth] is one of the most conciously penetrating sounds to 'grace' this earth. its like once it starts its all you can think of. like gilbert godfried's voice. you dont want to pay attention to it, but its so fucking annoying its all you can pay attention to. and third; you can blame farts on a kitten. not that i have personally done this, but i could have were i to need it. i say this only because i'll be sitting on the couch with my girlfriend and something will smell like a used baby diaper wrapped in week old garbage and sprinkled with fish carcass. and i know I didnt fart. and i ask colleen and she says SHE didnt fart. and there lays frank. sleeping soundly draped over whatever terrain he can mold his floppy ragdoll body to. farting away. stinkin' up my couch. soooo, were i ever in the situation where i need to blame my fart on him, im sure i could. awesome.
that is all. a big ole politically correct happy holidays and safe travels to everyone. dont drink and drive. its more fun to get driven around anyways.
"...for i know not what i do"
