"please forgive me if i act a little strange..."

FRANK THE TANK!!! FRANK THE TANK!!!

so this past tuesday i got a kitten. "frank the tank" is his name. he is a little under 2 pounds. half ragdoll, half himalayan, light [whiteish] body with chocolate ears, face, paws and tail and blue eyes. close to the cutest thing ive ever seen. that bastard. here's the problem. well, there are two:

problem 1: my lease says i cant have pets unless my landlord approves it. i got frank before knowing that, and so called my landlord to tell him that my mom bought him for me as a present, i read the lease, so i am asking for permission. i have even offered a pet deposit so that he will feel more at ease about it. turns out he said "no". so, its not like i can hide him because my landlord already knows.

problem 2: i cant remember what problem two was because between the time when i started writing this and now, a new and definate answer has arisen to all problems;

the new and final answer: i cannot keep frank. my parents are going to take him and raise him until i either a) convince my landlord its "ok" for me to have a kitten/cat or b) i move out at the end of august. another compelling reason to move out is the goddamn kids upstairs who wont stop RUNNING BACK AND FORTH and STOMPING above our heads every 5 or 6 seconds. good lord.

that being said, my life with frank has brought me to a few conclusions. first; kittens take a HELL of a lot of work. they dont really understand "no claws" or "dont jump" or "FRANK. STOP BITING ME" even after you tell them 50 or 100 or 150 or 200039584 times. after a while im sure he'll get it. second; a kitten's "mew" [i say 'mew' instead of 'meow' because this is a more accurate description of the sound that comes out of his mouth] is one of the most conciously penetrating sounds to 'grace' this earth. its like once it starts its all you can think of. like gilbert godfried's voice. you dont want to pay attention to it, but its so fucking annoying its all you can pay attention to. and third; you can blame farts on a kitten. not that i have personally done this, but i could have were i to need it. i say this only because i'll be sitting on the couch with my girlfriend and something will smell like a used baby diaper wrapped in week old garbage and sprinkled with fish carcass. and i know I didnt fart. and i ask colleen and she says SHE didnt fart. and there lays frank. sleeping soundly draped over whatever terrain he can mold his floppy ragdoll body to. farting away. stinkin' up my couch. soooo, were i ever in the situation where i need to blame my fart on him, im sure i could. awesome.

that is all. a big ole politically correct happy holidays and safe travels to everyone. dont drink and drive. its more fun to get driven around anyways.

"...for i know not what i do"

"dance, dance"

college basketball. dude, i LOVE college basketball. and i love wake forest basketball. obsessively. as in, i check stats on days when i know they arent playing. as in, i check stats on ex-wake players in the NBA. i check stats of LAST year's games when chris paul was still playing and they were totally awesome. i google ex-wake players that arent in the NBA to see what they are up to now. crazy. and if nick giaimo ever saw this, he would tell me how i wasnt a real fan. how only him and mike flowers and markus schwartzennegar are real fans, and just because i went to every game senior year doesnt mean that i developed into a real fan. i am lost to him. but fear not, nick my friend; i disagree. my fanaticism has merely developed later than those guys, coming into its own as i ended my tenure at college. but this is not the debate.

actually, i shouldnt say debate. there is no discussion. only opinion. and here's my opinion [which is right, by the way; see last post]. i hate duke basketball. oh yeah, thats right. megan cheney, shut the hell up. any other dukies, you can go eff yourselves. lauris lambergs [who im sure doesnt read this] you can kiss my ass. why is duke so good? for the same reason i hate them so much. refs give them ALL the bullshit calls. its like, 150 teams could foul the SHIT out of players, but if duke does it they call it a block. whats that? travel? not if its duke. its called umm... continuation. pushed in the back to the floor by a duke player? coincidental contact.

but what makes this worse is the sports media. the commentators. they suck duke off every game claiming how good and skilled they are. if they were that skilled, would they need a 40 foot jumper with 1.6 seconds left in a game to beat one of the worst teams in the acc? no. thats called luck. and it pisses me off that they have that kind of luck. its horseshit.

duke is only good because people think they are good. sure, they have skilled players. and because everyone thinks they are good they get all the mcdonald's all-americans to commit and all the best players to go there. but they are never the best team in the country. i say this even in those years they win the ncaa championships. they arent. but because people think that they are, they get so many benefit-of-the-doubt fouls, so many calls their way, so many no-calls their way, that they cannot lose games.

its easy to rationalize. if there are two teams on the court, and one of those teams is restricted by a common set of rules and the other team is not [this other team being duke], then that team that can side-step restrictive rules they have an upper hand. an 'unfair' advantage, so to speak. and this is the unfair advantage that duke gets every game. and the proof that they cant win every game with said unfair advantage just proves they suck balls.

two facts: sports writers [different than commentators] document the fact that duke gets all the calls all the time. the other fact; duke is so used to getting the calls all the time that when they dont get the calls they get pissed about it. in fact, after they barely scraped by indiana their senior star "j.j. backne" made a comment about being held every time he was on the floor. which was hilarious because the sports writer who was writing the run-down of the game then proceeded to make a "keep dreaming" comment about how he's full of shit. so classic.

so, as this season starts and wake is going to suck, i can at least rest assured that duke is a bunch of pussy crybaby cheaters who will not win the national championship because they will be beaten by teams that are truly good AND have to play by the rules. what a novel idea...

"we're falling apart in half-time"

"you took a trip and climbed a tree..."

i have no title or line from a song i am currently listening to. so that means any title that goes up there [arrow pointing up top] and the line at the end of this post [whatever line is after the line in the title in that same song, or even another random line from that song, who knows...] are both afterthoughts. not that it makes a difference since they never have anything to do with the subject [well, not intentionally] but just something interesting to note as i start out my first blog post in a while.

so, whats this going to be about? well, someone the other day made a comment to me. i believe it was someone from my family, as this memory is set in the context of thanksgiving break and i remember someone male [i want to say my brother] saying "...wait, whaaat? you have a blog?"
and they werent saying it in a "DUDE. i have got to read this thing" sort of way. i would say the tone of the comment was in the same ballpark as the "are you retarded?" phrase popular culture has come to love so much, or a "did someone just crap themselves?!?" type of please-tell-me-you-are-joking-and-are-not-really-that-lame kind of way.

now, was this comment deserved? should blogs really have this negative connotation that they seem to always be stuck with? hell yeah. are you kidding? think about who writes these pieces-of-shit. yup, thats right. anyone. that means that anyone who thinks anything [we're talking from kkk-card-carrying-sex-with-my-sister-shotgun-toting-wrangler-jean-wearing-budlight-drinking-truck-driving redneck southerns to fat-ass-bitchy-self-richeous-judgemental-i-think-im-better-than-you-and-the-world-owes-me-a-million-favors-because-i-talk-real-loud-and-offend-people slut northerners] can write anything they can finger-peck out on a keyboard and post it up for anyone else to see. thats retarded.

so yes, you should make fun of blogs. they hold no clout. the only thing that blogs have to offer as far as legitimacy is the character of the person writing it. which, first off means that this blog ain't worth shit. and second, means that 99.998% of all blogs ain't worth shit. at least every blog I have looked at. well, with the exception of one. that being the blog of nate stewart. natty, you are the man. that being said, i cant wait for new years. this isnt to say that 99.998% of the people in the world arent worth shit, just 99.998% of the assholes that decide they want to write blogs. and not all blogs, just those that are opinion pieces. those that throw up an analysis of any subjective situation and decide that their view is the one and only. grow up.

so, when my brother made this comment, it really didnt offend me. it actually made me think "hey yeah. blogs are pretty lame." especially considering the people and topics covered. and the best part is when those people are expressing opinions of theirs that are clearly aimed to offend others or spark controversy get comments on those posts that they dont like, and then get pissed at those comments. its like, "whaaat?? did someone just crap themselves??!?" are you kidding? if youre trying to start banter or assert your narrow-minded opinion, but then are upset that responses dont agree with everything you say, just join the republican party why dont you? unreal.

its like "this is my opinion. and i try to act smart, so clearly i would know that an opinion is based on subjective points of view which are built around pieced together information. but if you disagree with my pieced together view, im going to get pissed." i mean, come on. and there are waaaay too many of these out there. sure, there are informative and educational blogs. like this blog i saw about CRMs [customer relationship management] today. but those are boring and lame.

so yes. blogs are lame. will that stop me from writing one? helllz no. eff that. you remember the 99.998%? im one in 14 million. thats right, bitches! im the .002%. so read it, write this down and commit to memory, losers. i am right, you are wrong. these posts will continue to reign supreme and rain the truth on you. disagree? you're wrong.

"and you were not the same after that"

"confidence in you is confidence in me..."

i am tired. which is what i want to talk about. i love sleep. boy, do i love sleep. and not only because i enjoy activities that are directly connected to sleep [oh yeah, im talking about making the sex] but also because i think i am the kind of person who needs more sleep than others. like, i would say i need a MINIMUM of 6 hours of sleep. 5 1/2 hours; not gonna cut it. 8 hours, ideal. 10 hours, effing awesome. 12 hours. now im just getting lazy. but what i find weird is that some people can function [and i define function as work and be productive and not look like a zombie and not by all hyped up on caffiene or sugar or heroin] with less than 4 hours of sleep on a regular basis.

to which i have to say, "wow". on 4 hours of sleep the only things i could do are a) go back to sleep, or b) well...there is no "b" per sae. i think thats about it. 4 hours of sleep and i am rendered useless. back to bed for me.

and im not talking about those people that only sleep for 2 or 3 hours, and then look like complete shit the next day and cant function and their work is crap and they smell and look like that havent showered in a week. i do not call that "functioning". i call that barely existing. im talking about like, NYC wall street brokers who are either working, drinking, doing cocaine, or working while drinking and doing cocaine. and they get about 2 hours of sleep a night, and then back to their job. not that im saying they wouldnt do a better job with actual sleeping, but they can function without it.

let me tell you a funny story about this. ok, its not funny. in fact, as of this moment i dont have a story to tell. so lemme think about it for a minute....
....
....
....
nothing. nothing so far. hmm....
....
....
.... yeah, i got nothing. well, no funny stories per sae. i mean, i did just take the redeye back from california and get into boston at 9am, whereupon i got home, took a shower and went right to work. and then had to work on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. i started crashing around 3pm, was in-and-out at my desk around 4:30pm. that sucked. but thats not a funny story, more like "see, i told you so. i need sleep".

**that last section was in no means a complaint about the events leading up to or my decision to take the redeye back from CA. seriously the best birthday weekend i've ever had in my life. everything was awesome. it just sucked having to go to work after that.

so. yeah. here's what i think; mandatory nap time. dude, nobody ever wanted to nap when you were 5 years old. and if you did, you were a genius. i think we should have beds at work [or comfy couches] so that everyone after lunch can sleep for 45 min. i would gladly stay at work until 5:45pm every day if we had 45 min of nap time. and i dont think anyone would complain. unless you were an employer. then you'd be kinda pissed. but here's the thing: if you [as an employer] would give 1 hour lunches but just extend the work day 30 min, then your employees could choose how to spend their lunch hour. eat for 30 min, sleep for 30 min. eat for 15, sleep for 45. whatever. and i work basically 8 1/2 hours a day at least so the only thing changing for people like me is i get to nap. hell yes.

so come on people, lets get it done. i need sleep.

"...is confidence in the fire i speak."

"its me and the moon she says..."

rocky 6. seriously? number 6? six? VI? good lord, when will it stop?

now, let it be known that i have never seen any rocky movie. not 1, or 2 or the one with mr. t, or the russian, or whatever. i have seen clips of rocky on "i love the 80s" or clicking through tnt during thanksgiving, but thats about it. i also remember in 'space balls' when the news reporter mentions something about rocky 4000. but that is the extent of my rocky experience, except when i tell people ive never seen any of them and they are like "WHAT?!? are you un-american? do you hate freedom?"

so when i complain about rocky 6 right now, its more of a "why are they making the same movie that has already been made a gazillion times before?" and then its a "and why the hell are people STILL going to see this movie? are they retarded?" and then i think "no, that cant be. retarded people are smarter than that." why in the hell are they making a rocky 6? seriously.

and whats worse? yup, you guessed it. rambo 4. say whaaaaat?!?!? sly stallone, 59 years young, doing BOTH a new rocky AND a new stallone? dude, seriously. i had my fill of old used-to-be-jacked actors who now look fat and have spare tires around their stomachs doing remakes of their used-to-be popular 70s and 80s action movies when the governator did terminator 3. notice how when he came back from the future in that movie, they shot him "naked" from the mid torso up? its cuz he's fat. and i cannot imagine that sly is going to be much better. i mean, im sure he keeps in great shape. but to be taking on whole armies by himself kicking 60? and boxing? dude... osteoperosis is setting in and he's probably got to use a walker to get into the ring.

but honestly. rambo 4? a buddy of mine the other day was like "huh, the 3 amigos [yes, the steve martin, chevy chase, martin short movie -- TOTALLY awesome, by the way] was a great movie. i wonder why they didnt make a sequel to it". and my response was simple. "probably because they didnt want to ruin a good movie by making a shitty sequel". and i think the hollywood execs should take this to heart. but they wont do that until they stop making money on these shitty sequels. and that means there must be no demand. which means all you assholes going to see "ring 2" and fucking "goonies 8" and "scary movie 35" need to stop going to see shitty remakes. and then this world will be a better place.

now, dont get me wrong; im not saying there shouldnt be movies with others attached to them. like trilogies. lord of the rings, indiana jones, etc. those are awesome. im talking about any movie with "2" or "3" in the title. stop that shit. its up to us people; so check yourself before you wreck yourself. word.

"and ive got no trouble with that."

"ahhh california in the summer..."

i love cartoons. which is kind of weird because as of about 3 years ago i never watched cartoons. ever. i would watch sports and movies and thats about it. lots of sportscenter. hmmm... come to think of it, i cant really think of much tv i watched during my senior year at college. and thats either because i didnt watch much or i was drunk a lot of that time.

but now that im out in the 'real world' and am working, pay bills, rent, etc. you know. what real grown ups do. now that im here, i watch more cartoons than i ever did when i was 8 years old.

but im not talking about saturday morning cartoons. dude, i dont wake up until noon on saturdays at the earliest. that is, unless im out doing something like an ultimate tournament or travelling or something. im talking about 3 cartoons in particular.

south park: i just read that they have started their 9th season, and have signed on for 3 more. i watched it during its first and second seasons, and then when it started sucking [seasons 4-6/7] i really didnt watch it at all. and now that its frickin' hilarious again, i thoroughly enjoy it. cartman has to be the funniest single cartoon character ever created. of all time. fact. the shit that comes out of his mouth is so racist, sexist and offensive its perfect. easily the star of the show, and i love watching it.

family guy: there is nothing that i need to say about this show. everyone knows this is the funniest show on tv. this is the cartoon that got me back into cartoons when a buddy of mine bought the first and second season on dvd the summer after my senior year in college [shout out to doozy for this one] and we watched them all at camp that summer. i had never heard of it before, and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me cartoon-watching-wise. i mean, i could have won the lottery. that would have kicked ass and been better in an "over-all" sense of what is good for me. but it wouldnt have allowed me to gloriously rediscovered cartoons. so, hooray for family guy.

aqua teen hunger force: the best cartoon on tv. the crime is that most people dont know about it. in fact, im watching it right now. the one with the rainbow and the 3 leprechans [1 irish, 1 american, and 1 gay one]. the humor of athf is so particular and subtle that im sure its tough for some to get into. carl is so frickin' awesome. and meatwad is hilarious. i just read that aqua teen is getting better ratings than both leno AND letterman, and now huge corporations are looking at them for commercial time. coolest news about aqhf? they are making a movie right now. hell yeah. 2006, i cant wait. you should watch it though. its on adultswim [cartoon network, around midnight on wednesdays... maybe more weeknights, but i juts know its wednesday tonight].

whats the moral of this story? cartoons kick ass. number 1 in the hood, g.

"ahhh, and my hair is growing long."

"the only thing worse than not knowing..."

lets talk about a subject that is applicable every single day of everyone's life: history of behavior. or, if youre british: history of behaviour. either way. british or not, people have certain habits and/or decisions they make on a consistent basis with which you can predict future behavior or verify past behavioral discrepancies. when 'they' say "people cant change", that is probably about 99.9836% true. people dont change. some people are good at suppressing their inner desires for an extended period of time, but eventually they "have a relapse" or they "give in to their inner demons" or they "eat 100 snickers and barf all over themselves" or they "tripped and fell on his penis"; you know, the usual wednesday afternoon activities.

***side note: i love sante fe black bean chedder dip. and hint-of-lime tostitos. they are delicious. yumma-dum-dumms.***

and this pertains to all behavior in general. spoiled-brat behavior, catty behavior, drunken behavior, common-sense behavior [or lack there-of], competitive behavior, lazy behavior... you know, everything.

what i thought i was going to do is take certain examples from people i have witnessed and show how they have not, and more importantly will not, change their behavior. in retrospect, this would take way too much time and energy that i dont have. im busy, and have a life. i could have talked 'hypothetically' about certain behaviors and examples, naming them things like "person j", "person k", and "person l" and then talked about how what they do is either immature, hypocritical, hilarious, pathetic, or just plain redonkulous. that is a word. and i'd throw little hints in there as to who the real person was. and eventually that person [if they read my blog] or someone else would figure out who these hypothetical people were, and then they'd get all pissed off that i was talking shit about them. even if this shit was 100% true and totally founded. and backed by really good, and really factual evidence. and then they'd try and make me feel bad. and then i'd probably feel bad cuz i hate upsetting other people no matter how big of an asshole/bitch they are to me or those i care about. and i dont like feeling bad. i like being happy.

and how do i know this? well, its just what i do. its what ive done in the past and what im predisposed to doing in the future. and i'll spare everyone the "Wilhelm Wundt, William James, and B.F. Skinner" version of human behavior [think fathers of psychology]; but my point is that if you were to think about what i'd do in this blog when talking about something, its pretty well laid out up there [arrow pointing to paragraph above] . but i am changing my behavior. and not writing in that fashion. or at least, im trying like a mofo not to break down and start. god knows there is a 99.9836% chance the next entry is back to the usual format. but for now...

"...is you thinking that i dont know"

"if i could open my arms..."

so yeah. im trying to give this posting thing another breath of life. which means more than one post every other month.

im getting old. my little brother just turned 23 yesterday. my little brother just turned 23. shit. that means im getting OLD. good lord, when does it end? it doesnt. well, death. and that just means that everyone else i know is getting older too. and what do you get with age? taxes, bills, and responsibility.

and you know what the worst part of all that is? the assholes that feel that they dont have to take care of their responsibilities. like they are too important or priveledged to be "bothered" with adult responsibilities. this attitude that they are above such things when, in fact, they are too immature and low-class to be responsible for their own actions. and i really cannot stand that. if you want to be grown up and live on your own, and talk like you "know how the world works" and laugh at all those who "just dont know what real life or class or style" is [i.e. all the people you think you are 'better' than], then you really should be able to pay your own rent. same goes for those people that cant pay others back for money they borrow. if you cant afford to do something dont do it. this is the reason i refused to get a credit card for years. its called my good buddy "reality". welcome to it, boys and girls. time to grow the fuck up.

so if you cant go on that shopping spree to buy shit that you dont look good in anyway, or if you cant go on trips or buy plane tickets to events or whatnot, or you cant go buy those 50 cd's youve really, really wanted for 8 months, or you cant go out clubbing cuz you dont have money for drinks and/or admission, here's how us grown-ups do it: take care of your responsibilities first [rent, phone bills, paying back money borrowed, student loans, car payments, etc]. and then if you have the ability to do other things after that, then you do what you want.

a step up on this is when these same people are still under their parents' wings. and by "wings" i mean "checkbook". and then get in situations like this because they are either a) too lazy to have their parents pay for shit, b) too immature to take said money given to them by their parents to pay off their bills, or c) too selfish and spoiled and figure people will either wait on them and dont care that they owe them money or that their parents will just send them more money. unreal. people like this should be shot. or kicked out of multiple apartments.

and the FINAL step up into immaturity [i say step "up" because it actually takes effort to be this lame] are those people that actually run away from their problems. for example, lets say i owed someone money. and they tried to get in touch with me. and i would not answer phonecalls, emails, messages, messages to friends, messages to parents, messages to dead relatives, etc. that is the top level of first-grade, trailer-park, spoiled-brat rediculousness. unreal.

what should happen in these situations? here's my suggestion: i endorse the ADP. thats the Adult Diaper Plan. and i dont capitalize shit on these things, so you know this is serious. i think all those people that cant keep up on their responsibilities should be made to wear adult diapers [trust me, some of these are going to be BIG diapers] until they get their shit inline. that way, when they try to shit and piss on everyone else, they really shit and piss on themselves. and there is some protection for the rest of us. and you know they are going to soil themselves.

here's the point: if you want talk/act/think of yourself as grown up, then you must actually BE grown up. if you dont want to be responsible for your actions, thats fine. go live at home with your parents and shut the fuck up. especially if you have nothing constructive to say. then, when youve graduated to real underwear, you can come out and play with the rest of us adults. until then, safety locks on everything. peace, bitches.

"...and span the length of the isle of manhattan"

"you may tire of me as our december sun is setting..."

wow. its been over a month since my last post. and a LOT has happened. i was going to talk about the coolest thing that i did, my cross country trip with my girlfriend. but, in an effort to sound pretty cheesy and cliche, i will refrain from talking about it. those memories are for me and her. but i will say it was the greatest trip ive ever taken, hands down. nothing like being woken up by coyotes, 1000 feet above the valley, looking out onto the grand tetons in wyoming, with a fire in the fireplace at your feet, in your private cabin at a 5 star resort, watching the milky way.

so, instead of that im going to talk about the fall ultimate season. well, more accurately, the end of the season. which really kicks in on october 8th and 9th at regionals, which will most likely be the last tournament of the year for my team. ok, lets be honest. with the top two teams going on to nationals, and our team seeded somewhere between 5-8, we're not going to make it to nationals. especially considering we havent beaten any of the top 4 teams at all this year. but thats ok. what i'd like to talk about is how cocky these top 4 teams are. should they be? well, i mean... no. no they should not be. why is that?

because they play fucking frisbee. seriously. get over yourself. nobody knows who you are, and nobody cares. and to make this point, let me give you an example. well known throughout the frisbee community [yes, there is one... see the google page rec.sport.disc] is an ex-ECU player, current UNC-Wilmington coach, current player for some shitty team down in eastern NC, mike gerrics. spelled gerrics, gerics, or whatever; i dont really give a shit. everyone calls him "mike g". he once choked a guy on a frisbee field because he bumped into him. he was then banned from the upa [ultimate players association] for one year, spawning "free mike g" t-shirts. which im sure he made his team buy or else he'd choke them. i got to witness him in austin, texas yelling at a waitress for shitty service giving her the "do you know who i am?" line.

no. nobody knows who you are, you unintelligent, ignorant, racist, redneck mother fucker. and nobody cares. because you play ultimate frisbee, one of the sports shunned by modern society. and yes, "its getting bigger" and yes, "its starting younger" and all that bullshit. sure. but the point is, nobody in this sport will be known until major sponsors get involved and black people [i could say african-americans, but who the hell knows if they are african-american, or straight african, or south american, or whatever. im not racist, im just saying they ain't white] start playing. and once that happens, all you slow, non-jumping, trucker-hat wearing white-ass mother fuckers [this includes myself] will have no spot on the frisbee field. well, maybe as water boy. but by then they'll probably have water bitches. and they'll have nicer asses and bigger boobs than any of us white boys have.

so here's my point: all those cocky, trash talking, shit-eat grinning guys that comprise the top ultimate frisbee teams in our region [and around the nation]. shut the fuck up. you're not that good and in 20-30 years when your kind doesnt exist on the field anymore, you'll know why im telling you to shut the fuck up.

counter-point: hey asshole. if, uh, white guys are going to be extinct and black guys are going to rule frisbee, then why the hell does the U.S. win the world games all the time and not some african country? good point. but short-sighted. frisbee is FAR too white and FAR too hippie [right now] for black people to play it. its like skiing or polo. i mean, you get one every now and then. and those are the guys that all the other teams are like "shit dude. they got a black guy. im not covering that fast-ass mother". so, nice try. but just a stalling tactic.

side note: i am not racist. if you think any statements in this blog posting are racist, you are retarded.

"... cuz im not who i used to be."

"I want to live where soul meets body..."

dude. so, its been a while since i have posted. and its mainly been because ive been so damn busy. seriously. i havent had a weekend to even clean my apartment, let alone relax and kick it with my friends in about 4 months or so. and work has been hella-busy. its unreal. a member of my family is sick and does not have long to live, so i have been spending all free weekends with this person and then the other weekends are taken up by frisbee. which i havent played in over a month. but none of this 'woe-is-me' crap. well, maybe a little. but not on purpose. or at least masked a little.

so, being so busy and having so much on my mind creates this situation that i dont like a lot. and that situaton is that my relationships in my life suffer. not that they go to crap, but the quality of them is diminished. for example, my current romantic relationship has turned into the "10pm girlfriend syndrome" where we're both so busy that its rare we see each other before 10pm each night. which, of course, sucks because when you want to spend time with someone you want to go out and do cool things that are new and exciting and both people enjoy. and, to be totally fair, we do occasionally get to do these things. but definately not as often i [or she] would like.

in the same vein, my friendships have also suffered. its been months since ive been around on ANY weekend, so the last time i cooked out [i.e. grilled meat while drinking beer] with my best friend from wake and his roommate [with whom ive also become good friends] must have been at least 3 months ago. and i dont see it happening for at least another month. and i havent seen nate [bassist in the band] for like, ever either. yes, nate, i still love you. in that manly, gay, homosexual kind of way. staying this course of friendships, i havent even hung out with MY roommate in over a month. ok, maybe thats not totally true. we hang out on occassion. but to live with someone and then to actually see them once every-other week or so its just crazy to me.

so lets say i were to order this situation off a menu. or wait, even better. i was in a class and this was a "problem solving exercise", and the solution needed to be something that would allow for person a [thats me] to fulfill his/her [his in this case. at least thats what the doctors tell me] family obligations [editor's note: the word 'obligation' is not really right here. the writer is trying to get the point across that in a perfect word this is not how his time would be spent, but due to the situation at hand this how he needs and wants to spend his time, with his ailing grandmother. in a perfect world, time would be spent with family, but there wouldnt be this rush to "cram" time spent in. get it?] and also to spend time with the other people that he cares about in his/her life. if this were the case, i'd say the solution to the situation on paper is easy. divide up the time, spend it evenly [maybe lean a little more towards the family stuff, but we're not talking an 80/20 type model] and quit bitching.

but its a little more complicated than that. throw in a few frisbee teams [which, again, i havent played with in months], a band that tries to rehearse a couple times a week, a gym membership, and work. seriously. when am i supposed to sleep? so, how does this play out in real life?

point is this: it doesnt matter how this plays out in real life. the most important thing right now to me is my family and thats where i want to spend my time. to be told you are going to lose one of the most central people in your life, someone you have grown up with and has helped you every step of your life is something that im sure isnt even going to hit as reality until its over. and im not even going to pretend that i understand or am prepared for all the emotions that will happen from now until then. some people may say its too personal to talk about, especially on some bullshit blog. and thats true, that may be the case. but talking about it helps me, so its what i'll do. and everyone who is my friend understands my priorities and why i havent been around much. but what im trying to say is that im not trying to throw all these relationships away, and i'll be back and soon. but right now, things are gonna be tough.

"and let the sun wrap its arms around me"

"searching for the satellites..."

everybody goes through fads. be that fashion, activities, philosophical agendas, personalities, etc. well folks, i am sorry to have to admit this to everyone, but its a necessity: fads are gay. hahaha, just kidding. but this brings up another point. point 1a: i cant STAND people that use the word "gay" to imply 'worse than' or 'bad' or something negative. this frat-boy mentality that things that arent "cool" are "gay" and that if you dont agree with them or if youre not in their frat/club/group/gang/dance team/synchronized swimming team you are a 'fag' and youre gonna get served. people that make comments [and are serious about it, mind you] like "man, that is so gay" need to a) grow up, b) extent their vocabulary to ammend such statements into "man, that is so egregious" or "man, that is so insidious" or c) go to hell. which is probably the easiest thing for them to do. see you in hell.

anyway, back to my point about fads; everyone goes through them. and right now i am in the midst of one that is terrorizing everything i do. everytime i think, act, speak, move, etc, this fad is changing my life. my friends tried this at college sometimes, and of course it never held on for more than a day or a week or so. but alas, this does not stop me from trying. this fad?

i am trying to stop from speaking profanity. yeah, i know. me not cussing? oh, and yes. i call it "cussing" and not "cursing" or "swearing" or whatever else the fuck you want to call it. oh wait, whats that? did i just say fuck? hell no i didnt say it. i wrote it. and there's a big difference. i am trying to stop speaking profanity. i said nothing about writing it. so these babies [the blog posts] are fair fuckin' game.

so coupled with this attempt to stop using a 4-letter vocabulary is my new-found love [or fad, if you will] of a substitute word. "effin". its awesome. you can use it for anything. like, "effin a, dude". or "what the eff is that all about?" or even "i was so effed up last night i must have effin thrown up all over the effin place." thats one for you college kids out there. and its addictive. i now say "effin" even when i wouldnt have said "fucking" in my b.c. life [before cleanliness... not that im really clean, but you get the idea]. its like i have to keep punching it in anywhere it can go just so that it will work its way into my regular vocabulary and push out its more common and badass cousin. in fact, i am leading the development for our company's monthly newsletter. and one of the sections i have named is the "Financial News Alert" or FNA, aka "effin a". one of my more recent works of genius, if i do say so myself. my boss laughed for maybe 3 minutes straight. we have a pool going around the office to see who's the first person on our list of customers and contacts to pick up on this acronym and how long it will go unnoticed. point is, this effin word is getting over-used and out-played.

and just like anything that gets over-used and/or out-played [think, radio singles. you know, any good song you liked that made it big and then you hated. and then 14 year old girls started to like it. but only because the lead singer was cute/hot/their idol/such a strong role-model for women/the latest poster in their "teen beat" magazine] the word "effin" is getting old. and fast. so, like all fads, this one must come to an end. and effin soon. no, strike that; fucking soon. in fact, i bet by the time this post is actually posted my attempt to not cuss is going to be done. i will have cracked. actually, i know i have because this douchebag and his bitch-ass buddy almost hit me in my car last night, and they were on a bicycle. riding it all "ghetto-we-cant-afford-two-bikes-so-you-ride-on-the-handle-bars-while-i-stare-at-your-ass-instead-of-watching-the-road" style. and down a one-way street, the wrong fucking way. what a piece of shit. and so as he passed me and almost hit the person following me, i said at him [but not that he could hear b/c my windows were closed and the AC was crankin'] "what the FUCK are you doing?!?" and it was worth it. it was totally worth it.

well, that was fast. goodbye effin. i will remember you once a month when my newsletter is sent to 5000 CEOs, CIOs, CTOs, Sales Managers, Sales teams, and lots of other financial business types. you will always have a place in my heart. effin a.

"to me they all just look like stars"

we're going down, down in an earlier round; and sugar we're going down swinging...

so, on my second business trip for my newish-job [2 1/2 months in] it wasnt quite as nice as my first trip. this first trip will be chronicled sometime later, cuz it was awesome. but since my second trip is more congnitively salient, i shall talk about this one first.

wednesday july 13th, 2005: wake up at 4:30am. take a shower, get dressed [in a suit] and pick up my tote bag with pyxis mobile [http://www.pyxismobile.com] marketing materials to take with me on my flight. dont forget my passport. that was clutch. also, bring along the iPod shuffle. 120 songs and small enough to conceal in places that airport security couldnt find if they wanted to. and it was free. but that is a trophy from business trip #1 of which we will not discuss right now. back on track: get to the airport by 5:30, and get my ticket. plane to toronto leaves at 6:30, and its on time. meet my director, we board the plane, and this sets the stage for my first trip to canada ever.

canada: everyone who goes up there says its pretty damn cool. toronto is supposed to be very european, people are nice, and there are strip clubs and nudie bars beyond belief. i, however, did not get to experience toronto. in fact, the only thing in toronto i got was some second-hand smoke and jet-fuel exposure. oh yeah, and an airport seat for about 30 hours. but we'll talk more about that later.

so i sleep for the entire 2 hour and 14 minutes of my flight up to canada. i miss the complimentary snack and orange juice and/or coffee. needless to say, im huckin' fungry. so after choosing between a pontiac grand am or a chrysler seabring [not convertable], we get on the road and head to the metropolis that is Waterloo, ON. "ON" stands for ontario. its a providence in canada. seriously. you should know that. for reals, yo. so, i choose the grand am cuz its brand new and GM cars always have kick-ass air conditioning systems. "but michael," you ask, "isnt canada supposed to be cool and not humid?" fuck yeah its supposed to be; but apparently because i happen to be visiting they have heat warnings for record highs and its so humid you have to push the air aside to walk through it. great. not that sweat stains on business shirts arent a great way of saying "partner with us" but uh... well, theyre not.

so we're driving in our american car and blasting the AC like its nobodys business. and im hungry, so we decide to pull off at an exit and get coffee and something to eat at "tim horton's". now, all canadians rave about tim horton's coffee and how good it is. this seems like a logical choice then. cuz mcdonald's coffee sucks balls. lemme tell you something: tim horton's coffee BLOWS. so i order one soon-to-be-recognized-as-shit-coffee and also a cheese crossiant. hey, we're in friggin' canada; they should have good crossiants. they're practically french [although thats not ontario, but whatever. same thing]. well, lets hear it for half-cooked crap crossiants!!! first off, timmy H does a good job of throwing off unsuspecting americans because the line for this place was redonkulously long and the inside was all nice and shit. very classy, san diego. not "sit-down restaraunt" classy, but classy enough for me to not get that "oh crap, i am going to get stabbed" feeling like i get at most dunkin' donuts. so then i take a bite of this crapssiant and im like "holy crap. what tastes like poo?" then, to wash it down i attempt to sip my 150762 degree celcius coffee. and they werent even curteous enough to give you one of them coffee sleeve thingies that reduce the nerve pain associated with second degree burns. nice. so i burn my tounge. awesome.

we get to waterloo. basically a town with RIM's [research in motion -- they make blackberrys] campus. its a bunch of buildings that RIM owns and develops their devices and software in. pretty nice. so we have a few meetings. nothing special. i shake some hands, pass out business cards, the usual. shall we get some lunch? alright. some RIM guys take me and my director out to a pub, where nobody orders a beer. im last to order my drink, and [being the new guy] im too big of a pussy to break the beer barrier. in hindsight, probably a good call. its "wing special" day, so they order 20 or so wings and then we get lunch. i had a chicken wrap thingy with some ranch-sauce dressing. why is this important? well, we'll get to that.

we drop the guys back off at RIM, snatch a free wi-fi blackberry, then head on our way back to the airport. our flight is at 8:30pm. its around 1:30pm. the drive takes an hour. so, maybe we'll head into toronto for a drink. one of ours salesguys was in town and he called us to get us to go out and party with him. awesome. right about that time, thats when it hits me; why the HELL does my stomach feel like its about to karate-chop me to death??? we pull over [at a tim horton's, no less] and i spend the next 15 minutes throwing up and/or hmmm... how do i put this...spending "quality time" in le toilette. after thats over, we decide to try and catch an earlier flight home. so we head to the airport. where upon i take another two trips to le toilette. and also find out that, of course, we cannot get on any earlier flight because they are all over-sold.

awesome.

so i spend the next 5 and 1/2 hours in the airport. sick. hot. pissed off. and not at a strip club. with no internet access. and no cell phone coverage [because umm... oh yeah. verizon doesnt work up in canada]. waiting to get home at 11pm at night. so, what IS the point of all this bitching?

canada sucks. i hate canada. im sure its great, but what did i get out of it besides the ebola virus? jack shit. and french canadian are worse. which is a good thing, because Q [ultimate team] know they are our bitches. thats right, Q. you will never beat the noise. fuck you canada. you suck. so i fly home and go to bed. thank you usa for your awesome fast food and air conditioning.

"i'll be your number one with a bullet. a loaded god complex, cock it and pull it"

ridin' low, ridin' low, ridin' faster...

people often ask me questions such as "michael, why do you post the things you do on your blog". or "how do you come up with such original material". or "why are you wearing a dress?" and by "often" i mean it probably happened twice. and i was like "what the hell? people actually read this shit?" but anyway; these are all pretty valid questions. if there is anything i have learned in my years of popularity and stardom, its that you gotta cater to the fans. and when the fans want to know something, sometimes you gotta throw them a bone. give 'em what they want. so, lets get to it. which of these never-ending questions will i address today? after putting together a committee of international supermodels and conducting a survey on this, what we came up with was the following: "goddamn it dude. why the hell are your posts so fucking long? its like reading a book. and i cant even read."

hmmm...why are these posts so long? is it due to my high school english minimum-page requirements? was i taught this verbose and wordy style of writing early in life? do i like to read myself talk? have i ever gotten a pedicure in chinatown? well, this dives into a deeper issue. one where we may not like to look. but lets be honest, we all see it but tend to ignore it. everyone [whether or not they like to admit it] is pretty upset about it, and i want to forewarn you before you read the following that you may be personally offended and want to throw things or spit or commit other such pimative behavior. mailbox bashing is one of these. poop throwing is the other. do not hold my friendship with you in jeopardy because of this; all i am doing is telling the truth. and some of us need to hear the truth from time-to-time. thats not a reason to get upset, but to face the issue and move on. to fix it. but i have to say it. here goes:

jessica simpson and nick lachey having marital problems. i know, i know. i couldnt sleep for days either. nyquil? oh, ok. i'll try that. thanks for the suggestion. do they have a lance-band for them? no? hmmm... someone should make one of those. moving on.

my posts are so long because i believe that you should only do things that are worth doing right. go big or go home. so when i want to talk about something, its because i have a lot to say on a subject. that and i tend to hit a shitload of tangents along the way. which may or may not be a good thing. im not saying its better than other blogs. just bigger. longer, per sae. my blog has more girth, if you will. hits on all spots. ok, now that i slipped those subtle penis references into this one to make up for years of insecurities in that area of my physical capacity, i can move on. er, i mean, this guy i know does. no, really... ummm...

point is: there are two kinds of blogs. those that chronicle day-to-day life and are like "man, i am in a great mood today". or "last night, i had an unplesant sexual episode with the cleaning lady from the 4th floor. i forget her name, but she left her dentures here". and then there are those that express ideas or opinions on subjects and look for comments or concerns to try and spark debate or thought of some kind. mine is neither of those, but falls into the ever-present grey area of "pointless banter that trys to sound intelligent but falls about two poops short of regularity".

there are a few things that these blogs are pretty good at. one seems to be upsetting people. and not even the people i mean to upset. but im pretty sure that situation has been rectified. the other thing is cursing. im really fucking good at that. and talking about pointless shit but making it seem [to me, at least] like there is some kind of way in this universe that the issue may, may hold a little bit of weight. im also pretty good at complementing myself. lets be honest here, all blogs seem to be are methods of allowing people to talk about how right they are at something or other. and im pretty sure i do a good job at that. in fact, i know i do. hell yes, im awesome!! so; lemme take a minute to pat myself on the back. a little to the left. down. down. a little more. a little too far... back up a little. ok, right there. ahhhh.

so, did i answer your questions? you didnt have any questions? you dont care? hmmm.... shit. well, i guess maybe i'll cut this posting 'short'. is that alright with you? good. you sure? you want a slurpie? ok. well, i hear 7-11 has good ones. you should check them out. enjoy.

"...the more i talk about it, the less i do control"

its so cold in this house...

so i was talking to a buddy of mine on IM. well, 'buddy' is a relative term. he plays on my ultimate team [new noise] with me. and tells me my taste in music is too "mainstream" so he then proceeds to give me lots of this 'underground indie' that is less in-the-spotlight than the music i already listen to is. and comments a lot on these blogs i do. and is mean to me in these comments. and i think the reason is because he is in love with me. and this causes him cognitive dissonence because he is getting married [to a girl] in a few months. so he has to lash out at me to convince himself he's not in love with me and that marrying this girl is the right thing to do. i wont mention any names, but i'll give you a hint: it starts with a mark and ends with a slivka. come on mark slivka, youre not fooling anyone. KEG STAND. ok, so anyway. im talking to mark and in my constant efforts to gain an invite to this wedding [since apparently none of his frisbee friends are cool enough to invite...or maybe its just me], he mentions something about buying the wedding bands this past wednesday.

my comment to that is "well, im sure that wasnt the most expensive part." and then i qualify my statement with one of the standard "well, comparitively. im sure it cost a good amount of money, but the engagement ring is the big $$, right?" and he comes back with something like "its all expensive, but yeah. the engagement ring is the big dent" or something like that [i wasnt really paying attention, i think someone next to me farted]. so my question back to him was if they had some sort of federal funding for people getting married. kind of like student loans, but you know; marriage financial aid. i then commented on how that would be a good subject for a blog post. annnnnnd here we are. see, the back-story IS necessary. so yeah, this is my idea. not like i need it anytime soon or anything. geezus, relax people. mom, stop crying. im not getting married to my roommate. i think my point was more this:

the government [namely George W. Douche's administration] is going through these great lengths to define for us [us being the general public who clearly cant think for ourselves] what a marriage is. the union between a man and a woman, right? well, if they get to make laws and pass acts and kill for oil so they can define this for the citizens of the USA [wait, werent we a country founded on the idea of getting away from religious and lifestyle persecution? away from people telling us how to live our lives? just a hint; a reminder of our past, in case anyone forgot], shouldnt they help pay for this 'institution'? does that make sense?

i mean, if the government wants to be so involved in what people can and cant do in regards to living together, then they should put their money where their mouth is. give money to us heterosexuals to help promote this man-woman union. i say, give every couple thats getting married like, $40-50k. tax-free, by the way. that way guys can buy big-ole rocks for their baby's mommas, and then women can have sweet bridesmaids dresses and tons of flowers. and unicorns painted on each of their finger and toe nails. and awesome bbq and open bars for the receptions. thats clutch. open bar = key. so with the government funding marriage, they get to impose their bullshit guidelines and we get awesome rings and parties out of the deal. that seems fair, right? i mean, if they get to tell us what to do, we might as well get some kick-back out of it, correct? am i wrong?

sure, it sucks for those people who either a) arent heterosexual or b) dont want to get married or c) already GOT married, but whatever. the US government doesnt care about those people anyway. here's the thing: i just know that if i want to get DJ Sasha at my reception, its gonna take some major casholah. cashito. dollarinies. and i certainly dont have that shit right now. so, come on congress. step up to the plate. mikey needs some sweetie tunes, some thumpin' bass, and six schlitzes... or whatever's free. you know what im talking about. but youve got some time, US government, cuz im not getting married for a while. so, no rush.

so, just a wild guess here [im gonna go out on a limb]: the government is most likely not going to give us money to suppliment our weddings. sorry to disappoint people [i know, i know... you can cry on my shoulder any tuesday or thursday from 11:00-11:15pm], but its just not going to happen. so if we get nothing out of the deal, then i dont think they have any place passing laws defining what marriage can or cant be.

and no, im not saying marriage can be between a man and a sheep. goddamn i hate the religous Right. as david cross said, there is an ignorance and stupidity that runs DEEP in this country; for now lets call it, ummm.. i dont know... "southern baptists". point is, we're not retarded. marriage isnt going to become something between two random things because someone down south feels that two men or women getting married is a bastardization of their sacred union [so sacred, mind you, that over 50% of marriages today end in divorce]. but if two people love each other, and those two people just happen to be homosexual, i think they should be able to get married. why not? i put money down that if studies were done they would show that gay couples that get married a) are more successful than the average 'straight' couple career-wise, b) have a healthier relationship than the average 'straight' couple, and c) have marriages that last longer/are more successful than the average 'straight' couple. and i think all those against gay marraige know this as well. and it scares them. and isnt there something in our declaration of independence about the 'pursuit of happiness' and all 'men being created equal'? but anyway; im not here to start arguing these points. i am here to rock.

so yeah. point of this post is this: mark; invite me to your wedding. if not, i will be standing outside of the ceremony blasting "ratatat" through Marshall full-stacks and break-dancing on cardboard all fucking night. thats not a threat, thats a promise.

"we've got crosses on our eyes; for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse"

i know youre sick, wish you were healing...

so, there are a few things in my life recently that make me realize im getting old. and no, its not the hemroid cream or the 'ensure' chocolate shake or the 'centrum silver' vitamins or the super-awesome walker that i use to get from the bathroom to the couch during the commercials in my soap operas. although i do love my soaps. [thats a joke. damn, do i have to spell everything out for you assholes?] anywho. the thing that sucks about getting old that im talking about [today at least] is that being sick SUCKS.

ok, sure. there's no genius in that statement. we all know being sick sucks. fevers, coughing up green shit, feeling like crap, etc. but i remember when i was younger and sick, my reaction was something like: "damn it, im sick... but hell yeah im sick. i dont have to go to school. i get to watch 'saved by the bell' reruns and drink ginger ale allllllllllll day". now? well, because i am currently sick i will give those who care a rundown of what went through my head: "im sick? fuck. i need to go to work to make money. and now i cant drink beer? shit."

so, this is how it gets? i mean, sure; i have sick days i can take. and in fact, i already took one for this current bout of allergies kicking the crap out of my sinuses. the only reason i didnt take two is because i have a laptop, so ive been home working while being sick. which, by the way, sucks as well. but lets not get off track. the other reason i dont want to take sick days is because those are also my vacation days. or "paid time off" [PTO for short]. #1 goal of michael working during the year: make as much money as i can. #2 goal: preserve PTO days. that way i can use those as vacation days. makes sense, right? of course it does. so this sucks, because it makes me 'want' to work when i feel like crap. i say 'want' [note the quotes] because of course i dont want to work, i want to preserve my PTO days; and to do that i have to work. and if i cant be at work then i am now motivated to work from home, that way i dont lose these days. and that sucks.

now is the time of responsibilities, and i dont like it. i dont like it one bit. i want to be able to sit at home, drink lots of soda [honestly, beer doesnt sit well when im sick], and watch all the crap i have tivo'd but never get a chance to watch because i am so busy. and yes, i could have the tv on while i work, but that doesnt cut it. trust me. i have tried. and then tried again. you inevitably miss something, then have to rewind it. or you just let it go, and then the show [namely family guy or aqua teen hunger force] isnt quite as funny as im sure it is if i could watch it uninhibited by work. damn you work for getting in the way of my tivo programs.

so, i worked today at home and didnt watch tv, and it totally sucked. and thats how i know im getting old. cuz instead of sleeping or watching ass-loads of tv, i worked. at home. while i was sick. still am sick. point is, getting older sucks.

"...so worse for the wear"

a sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all...

subject of this post: i love dashboard confessional. yup, thats right. i said it.

and no, not in that "i LOVE dashboard so i have posters and t-shirts and got a tattoo that says 'DC' and my AOL screenname is dashboardcutie2005" kind of way. what? whats that? its "pussy music"? "emo sucks"? why dont i go "cry about it to someone who cares"? someone should "kill kenny g"? well, maybe youre right. but ya know what? i dont care what people think about it. in fact, ive got a pretty good theory about why people hate dashboard so much. and no, its not "cuz they're gay", frat-boy. because [as far as i know] his songs are about women. but first, let me start with what my problems with dashboard are.

problem 1: enough with the 14 year old girls. honestly. i mean, sure; they are the target market since studies show they have the most money to spend [thanks daddy] and spend it most on pop music [thanks brittney and x-tina. x-tina? seriously? shut the fuck up with that "x-tina" horseshit. your name is fucking christina. and godDAMNit you are lame]. so, if i were trying to make it in the world of music and gain fame, money, all that, then my personal motto would be "so... uh.... where do the high school chicks hang out around here?" but do they really get what chris [carrabba -- founder/writer/singer for dashboard] is singing about in all these songs? hahaha, do i even need to answer that question? really? geez. well, uh, ok. answer: no. no they dont. they dont understand about the love, the anger, the betrayal, the sense of loss, the feelings and emotions mixed and muddled through one or multiple failed and/or currently working/not-working relationships that chris describes in his songs. we all know for a fact that they have a long, long way to go before any of this really makes sense. most of the people reading this blog still have a long, long way to go. i mean, sure they can identify when "bobby doesnt like me anymore" and they feel "heartbreak" and thats why they listen to "screaming infidelities" 10 million times. but they really dont know what its like to have that happen to them. they identify because they can mold it to their situation [loosely] and chris is "sooo cute", and he's on tv, and mtv says theyre cool. so, what i say to these girls is "way to go. way to make me look like an even bigger pussy because youre what the stereotypical fan is seen as. great. and isnt it past your bedtime? your parents let you out of the HOUSE like that? geezus. go home."

problem 2: the greatest thing about dashboard was their concerts. and by "their" i mean "his". and by "his" of course i mean chris because what they used to consist of is just him, a guitar, and about 250-500 kids singing every single lyric to every single song. in fact, i have seen them in concert and half the time he didnt sing because the crowd was singing so loud. and he's been given shit for these "camp-fire style sing-alongs" that he leads, but the energy in a place like that is unparalleled. its unreal. for this guy to be able to pour his heart out and have all these kids [typically 18-24 year olds when he was still solo] a) identify with him and then b) like it enough to commit it to heart and then c) get over their insecurities enough to sing at the top of their lungs in front of the guy who crafted these songs -- is just unreal. the honesty and purity of this situation to me is unfathomable. my problem is that now they are doing stadium-style tours. TONS of people per show. and no, i dont have a problem with him "selling out". shit, make all the money you can. and yes, i do know that the move to large shows and a band and all that is so that he can make all the money he can. sure. but the experience [although still in my top 5 concerts ive been to] is significantly lessened. its not as intimate, and i just think its a shame to not be able to catch the small shows anymore. i mean, im sure he'll do a few here and there. but chances are those wont be anywhere im living at the time. oh well, sucks for me.

so, why is it people hate dashboard [besides maybe not being able to get past the two problems mentioned hitherto]? well, my theory is this: people hate dashboard because they identify with his lyrics TOO well. in fact, those people that understand him the most are those that are more likely to dispise his music. but they are also the type of people that are like "yeah, we all have problems. stop bitching about it." yet deep down, they know exactly how this guy feels; they just find it culturally or situationally unacceptable to embrace these feelings of dispair. or maybe they embrace these feelings, but dont want to express them. maybe they know if they do so, their friends would make fun of them and call them "pussies" or "emo" or "homos" or whatever the stigmatic term may be that season. and since dashboard is the antithesis of this [this non-expression of vulnerable feelings], they dont like it. they have been hurt so much that showing any side of vulnerability is unacceptable, so they hate it. they dont like the fact that someone can sum up an entire two-and-a-half-year-"she-was-my-only-one"-relationship in 3 minutes of whiney, strained-voice, open-tuned perfection. and do it with a style and grace that i have yet to hear be challenged.

note the lyric: "the picture frames are facing down and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep. and breathing is a foreign task, and thinking is too much to ask, and youre measuring your minutes by a clock thats blinking eights". everyone knows what this is like. when you dont sleep because of heartache. because youre thinking so much about the situation that breathing could seem secondary. every word that was said in all the break-up conversations are questioned. the silence from loneliness and this newly-acquired absence turns into your own thoughts racing at a million miles a minute which are so 'loud' that you cant think of anything else. motives, vocal intonation, what every little movement meant. when time just moves and you really cant afix yourself to any sort of standard measurement [minutes, hours, days, etc]. life moves, but it seems like this pain/situation is all you can focus on and will never go away. its not pretty, but we've all been there. and for the better, i think; because you learn from these situations. and i think the problem is that chris carrabba is too good at expressing this. to a fault. well, not for me, but for most people. they fault him for his accuracy. or, at least, this is my theory. and these people [who hate dashboard] dont want to listen to depressing situations and remember how they may/are/used to feel. it hits too close to home. and when something is so specific, it usually [as can been seen across the media world -- fahrenheit 9/11, rush limbaugh, howard stern, army of darkness... which is the greatest movie ever, by the way] creates a situation where people are divided at different ends of the spectrum. you love it or you hate it.

well, i love it. i think its awesome. not only the lyrics, but the music. acoustic guitar and a guy screaming his heart out. the way it should be. emo-style. all emotional and shit. because all songs are about love, sex, or drugs. and why sing about love if you cant sing about the parts that suck? to remember the shit youve been through if nothing more than to be thankful of where youre at right now. or to help you see that everyone else in this world has gone through what you may be going through. or just to let you have a script with which you can sing so loud and high that by the time the car trip is over you have lost your voice. the good and the bad. gotta have both, love it or hate it. or so goes my theory.

"and the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss, reminds you that the memories will fade"

why is my sleeping bag a ghetto muppet?

probably the funniest title to a song ive heard ever. of all times. i mean, seriously, think about it; a ghetto muppet. all muppets are pieces of cloth that people stick their hands in and make the mouths move. sleeping bags look like huge muppets [if youre drunk or high enough, i guess]. i probably dont have to spell this out for you. its pretty self-evident. or so thinks "chin up chin up". thats the band. got it?

this is going to be a short post, and the main reason for this post is this; anyone can comment on these badboys now. i know, i know. everyone and their mom has been waiting to, and they just didnt want to have to sign up to be able to. the sentiment has resounded across countries and cultures. so send out a message to your moms: now that the gates are open, the comments will flood the gates and my posts will be overwrought with positive and negative comments alike. all together, in happy blog harmony. agreeing and disagreeing together in a symbiotic relationship that makes opinions what they are. like this guy's opinion [http://sfgate.com/columnists/morford/]. read this. its hilarious. and has nothing to do with this post. but read it, cuz its funny as hell.

so yeah; post comments if you want. i'd like to know that people a) agree with me, b) think im funny, c) want to tell me how much they love me, or d) agree with me and think im hilarious. if you have anything negative to say, you are unamerican. all that stuff above about "agreeing and disagreeing together" is just a front to seem like there's tolerence around here. we'll make this like the bush administration. anybody that is offended or disagrees with me hates everything we stand for, and is probably a terrorist. good thing i have this "patriot post" option [it cost me extra... its a special feature] that lets me dig into computers of anyone that posts negative things so i can see if they have bomb plans on their computers. and then report them to the FBI. or CIA. sure, it may seem like i am invading privacy, but its necessary to ensure the safety and the unity and strength that is come to be expected of me. what can you do?

ok, that diverted a lot. and now i am hesitant to post this, cuz that part above [about the whole terrorist/patriot crap] is pretty dumb. but admittedly so. so whatever. i wrote it at the time. you got a problem with it? well, now you can tell me. suckas.

"get me off this fucking island"

i backed my car into a cop car the other day...

there are a few things that really, really get me pissed in this world. ok, i am lying. there are tons. sorry folks, ive got type a. no, not herpes, im talking personality. what? all you 'non-psychology majors' dont really know what "type-a" personality is. well, its best characterized as highly competitive, highly motivated, gets frustrated easily [especially with failure] and, more than not, acts out on this frustration. we're talking the people that throw the cell phone when it wont dial, smash the keyboard when the computer doesnt do the right thing, hit the tv when the reception wont come in cuz the room on the new double-wide you bought is extra thick to insulate through those long, mississippi winters. not that i'd know personally... i know this guy...

so one of these things that really pisses me off is people that cant drive. one side note -- insurance is more expensive for guys under 25 than it is for girls under 25, and my attitude has always been "fuck that shit. why? is it cuz we drive while they drive, put on makeup, talk on their cellphones, and watch 'friends' at the same time [yeah, thats right. only girls watch 'friends']. why the hell do we pay more?" and just recently i realized why guys pay more for insurance. we are SO much more aggressive on the road. i saw some dude almost take out a group of children so he could run a red light and get into the wendy's drive-through quicker because he thought the $1 menu was closing. as hard as that is to admit, guys will get into more accidents because they do more stupid shit in cars. so, that one [in my mind] is solved. its not about who's a better driver, but who takes more risks. way to go fellas. we're up 1 to nothing. on another side note, im not even going to touch on the whole stereotype of "women cant drive, asians cant drive, and asian women really, really cant fucking drive". i am not opening up that can of worms...... although its true. what?

who said that? im kidding. relax. anywho, this morning im driving to work, and first off there are 1.8 billion fucking idiots on the streets this morning. was there a "free coffee for idiots who drive here and hit 6 people on the way" day at dunkin' deeznuts this morning? geezus. so im on a one-lane road, but there's enough space to pass if someone were, lets say, turning left and had to wait for on-coming traffic. so there's a car thats turning left. and had to wait [because of on-coming traffic, no less]. and i am 2 cars back. the car directly behind "captain turning" is, of course, an SUV. im gonna need another paragraph for this:

so, there is plenty of room for this SUV to pass the car turning left. in fact, this SUV [i think it was a Honda so we're not talking a huge SUV] had more than 2 feet on the driver's side, and probably a foot and a half on the passenger's side to pass this car. yet this SUV slows down. and stops. and doesnt pass. now, lets suppose that there is not enough space for this SUV to pass around the right. what, pray-tell, is hindering its movement? oh, well, there is the 3-inch curb. that thing looks WICKED. well, wait. that cant be it. cuz this is an SUV. with like, an 8000-inch clearance. so, it must be the fact that to the right [not-pavement-side] of the curb is all this glass and nails and broken shit that could puncture a tire, right? no, no wait. all i can see is soft, plush if you will, grass. huh. so, wait. lemme get this straight. this person [which, by the way, i dont think sex has anything to do with this situation but it was a woman] owns a fucking SUV, a vehicle designed for sports-utility [i.e. the ability to go off-road and traverse through rough shit] yet will not steer her inefficient gas-guzzling piece-of-shit around a car turning because she's afraid she might hit a 3-inch fucking curb? and maybe, if things got really out of hand and she lost control of this 15-mph-at-best situation, some lovely grass?!??!? good lord, people. what the hell is wrong with you? if youre gonna drive like a pussy*, then drive a pussy* car. get a yugo. or a new beetle. if you want to stop traffic and cause 30 [seriously] cars to have to stop as well, at least have an excuse of owning a car that couldnt even feign moving around a turning vehicle. i mean, honestly. come on.

*i apologize if this word offends anyone. i thought about the best way to express this idea and went through a plethora of synonyms, but unfortunately the word that best described the situation was this one. im sure you understand. if not, get over it pussies.

. man. how do you justify the wasted miles-per-gallon and o-zone depletion of an SUV if you cant even graze a curb? if you need cargo space, get a station-wagon. seriously. audi makes an awesome one, its called the quattro all-road. so, cargo space cant be it. status symbol? dude, if you wanted to drive an SUV status symbol, you wouldnt be in a honda. so, what is the possible explanation? the only one i can come up with is that this person/lady/SUV driver was one of those 1.8 billion fucking idiots out for her free coffee. yup, thats gotta be it. and that's why i think dunkin donuts is ruining the world, one "steak"-egg-and-cheese at a time. i dont care how good your coffee is; i hate you. ok, im done.

"well he just drove off, sometimes life's ok."

if only you could see the stranger next to me...

-- this post has been removed due to people [the wrong people, mind you] taking offense or believing this post has been written about them. this was never meant to offend anyone or to cause any personal harm. it was merely what was going on in my head at the time, and three examples who i thought would not read my posts. not that they wouldnt read them, but did not have online access so i had no fear of them coming across these posts. it has come to my attention that someone who does have access to these posts read this one and thought it was about them. and in that case, i understand hurt feelings and concern because these things were not something you would want to hear about either a) yourself or b) the person you are with. but let me assure you [SA] that nothing in this post was about you. i am deeply sorry if you felt it was, and if you would like an explanation i am happy to give you one. i am not trying to lose any friends by these, and would not throw away years of valued friendship in a single moment of self-richeous blog posting. i value friendships [all friendships and yours inparticular] too much to be that careless about these things.

so, i will keep in mind in further posts that when making references to touchy situations that they may be taken by some people as personal attacks when they are not directed at those people at all. i apologize again for any harm this post caused and will tailor my future posts to be either a) clear in direction and situation or b) general enough that people i know are not involved. again, i am sorry for any confusion.

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.

so an unnamed buddy of mine just IM'd me over the new coldplay album. and just as luck would have it, my work day consisted of data entry into the wonderful CRM known as salesforce.com. and sure, salesforce is pretty well organized and its a good program, blah blah blah, and all that crap. but there is nothing that could make me wish i was doing data entry all day into fucking salesforce.com. in fact, i think its because salesforce is such a great system that i hate it so much, because it leaves little room to bitch about it sucking. if it was shit, then at least i could be like "this sucks because the application is so bad" and people would nod their heads, agree with me, and feel slightly sorry for me. or just point and be like "thank god im not the new guy". or they would just not care, which right now people will walk by my desk and be like "dude, that sucks. and why are your headphones so loud? do you work out?" but there is seriously nothing that would make me want to sit and do that crap all day.

well, i thought there was nothing that could. and then i got X & Y. and dont worry, i will go out and buy the actual album when it comes out in stores next week. i will support the band. i'll probably go see them in concert and pay waaaaay too much money for a ticket. but i figured as a follow-up to my last post, i should let everyone know that the new coldplay album KICKS ASS. and yes, that is a technical term. i think they have a new box on the front of albums that says something like KA for "kicks ass" and PA for "parental advisory". i think there's also one for WV which is for britney spears and other skanks' cds that stands for "watch the video" since thats about the only positives to come out of those. anyway, new coldplay: KA. and it made me enter data all day and not complain about it. which made my boss happy. cause that way he didnt have to do it and could i dont know... play foosball all day; drink a few sam summers. something 'productive' im sure.

so as this is going to easily be the shortest of my posts so far, my advice to you is that you go out and buy the new coldplay album. and not to further enhance their total world domination. and not to further push them into the 'new U2'. but just to enjoy great music. on a side note, i read an article [http://www.azcentral.com/ent/music/articles/0603anticoldplay03.html] about why coldplay was bad. and it was pretty interesting. shit, here we go --

so this was going to be a short entry, but i want to say something about this article. first off, you have to sign up to be able to read it [i think... i cant remember that far back]. but if you do, its a pretty well written article. the only thing is, i think its misguided. at one point he says that BECAUSE of coldplay, all these coldplay followers are popping up, and cites a few bands including travis, starsailor, keane, etc. point is, this guy is an idiot because all those bands have been around since before coldplay was ever famous. nice try, jackass. second, he calls chris martin emo. EMO? seriously, if there is one thing i know, its what emo is. not because i claim to "be" emo, but just cuz i get called emo oh, lets say, umm... maybe 8 times every fucking day. ok people, i get it. its the glasses. and the hair. i listen to some emo music, pull from some of the fashion trends -- i'm pretty well versed in what is emo and what isnt. and coldplay isnt. just because something's emotional and heartfelt doesnt make it emo. nice second try, jackass. and the last thing im going to touch on here is that he slams coldplay for their self-pity and sort of downplaying of success in their lyrics, etc. and to that i say just because youve sold 20 million albums doesnt change you as a person. just because you may have huge commerical success doesnt mean that what you feel in your heart and your head change at all. and i think he's saying that theyve sold out at some point in the article [because these kind of lyrics are what sold them before they are sticking with them for further success?]. but wouldnt changing your style, and changing what you sing about and who you are be selling out? i understand that people change over time, but writing music is about expressing core emotions. and people dont change deep down. being a musician and writing music, i know a little about this. and chris martin is just being the same guy, the only difference is that tons of people love his music and he's got about $30 trillion backing him [its called EMI, their record label]. i think this guy has got it wrong. nice third try, jack ass.

but if you want to see a different opinion, please read the article. its a good read, and i think you may enjoy it. or not. whatevah. i do what i want. but definately buy the album. KA.

"and i will try to fix you"

when you try sometimes but you cant succeed...

note to those concerned: this entry was started some two days ago, and then finally posted during my lunch break at work. so, its not like im sitting around writing these long-ass entries at work. i have real things to do. and thats called looking at porno. now, onto the entry...

i am going to make a statement, and its going to come as no surprise. be that to me, to you, to the CIA as they are searching my blog for any "anti-american" comments [thanks Condeleeza for not only being a skank but a snitch as well], or to anyone else who may come in contact with this thing. the only problem with this statement is that its going to be dated. by that i mean its expressing excitement for an event that is going to come and go, but yet i'll still have this post sitting around. and then later, when looking back on this blog, i am going go say something like "man, that was pretty dated". especially if said event that this soon-to-come statement details sucks. then i'll be like "damn it, all of that build up for nothing". and speaking of all-of-that-build-up-for-nothing situations, after all of this set-up, i realize now that when i finally get to it, everyone who is waiting for it [thanks for reading, mom] is going to be like "geezus, all that bullshit for THIS? shut the hell up, i hate you." and then you'll go back to playing video games or starting a special olympics gang-war or whatever it is you kids do these days. so what, you ask, could be so important that i feel the need to share it with my online journal? hmmm...

i cannot WAIT for the new coldplay album.

yup, thats it. thats all i really wanted to say.

june 7th. so i tivo'd saturday night live last week. first of all, lindsay lohan is hot. granted. and everyone who's like "she's getting so skinny" [which apparently is a lot of people] are just jealous of the fact that she's getting hotter. and maybe when she weighs like, 80 pounds, then she'll be TOTALLY hot. but until then, only "really hot". i think this is why people think that the olsen twins are totally hot. cuz they also weigh around 80 pounds each. maybe 80 pounds TOGETHER. that would be even hotter. ok, so im not saying theyre not attractive [i mean, factor in the fact that theyre both worth upwards of $200 million each, and ANYONE weighing 80 pounds is hot -- 18 years old or not. i mean shit; the fat 6 year old son of bill gates is hot, cuz that kid is gonna be worth BANK], but the olsen twins are WAY too skinny. yeah, i said it. lohan, not too skinny. but getting there. in fact, she's on the edge. but still really hot. back to coldplay.

so, i tivo'd their performance. and must have watched it 30 times by now. sick. but i was pretty skeptical at first. i heard "speed of sound" a few weeks ago and loved it the first time i heard it; when it was called "clocks". in fact, my ever-perceptive and kick-ass bassist introduced me to it in a conversation that resembles this:

nate: "hey dude, have you heard the new coldplay song?"
me: "nope"
nate: "ugh. well, enjoy listening to 'clocks' again"
me: "really?"
nate: "who just farted?"
mike flowers: "it was the dog"
me & nate [in unison, harmonizing in the key of E major]: "we dont have a dog"
flowers: "in fact, this conversation didnt really happen except for the first 3 lines. and i wasnt even there. michael, you should stop typing"
me: "ok"

so, when i first took a listen, i was like "horseshit". or something like that. kinda pissed that "speed of sound" is in the same key as 'clocks', same chord progressions, same background 'pad'; just made me think they were sitting on old success and bullshitting out a new hit. or at least something to add to that "NOW 3806" cd [as seen on tv]. me: very disappointed. so i wrote off the new cd as another one of those awesome bands that are coming out with crappy new cds. its happened a lot to me lately [U2, the new doves is kinda mediocre -- although they were awesome live, i hear the new ben folds album is lame, etc] where bands i love have been giving me the let-down. [side note, bands who have recently delivered: mae and copeland].

quick-splice scene to a cookout at flowers' house [mike flowers, plays guitar in the band, my roommate from college, super-secret lover, etc]. flowers' says something like "this is the best song ive heard from coldplay yet". i respond with a "are you retarded?" comment, but the fact that he likes the song forces me to give it another few listens out of mere respect for his musical taste and sensibilities. damn it, does that song grow on you. so, new and improved opinion: "speed of sound" is pretty awesome. the chorus is so much better than 'clocks', and the song flows exceptionally well. cut to the SNL performance, for their second song they played this slow song [i have no idea of the name], and the first time i heard it i got chills -- seriously one of the best songs i have heard in the past few years. unreal. it was coldplay at their best, and i loved every second of it. i ate that shit up faster than a 14 year old girl on TRL with daddy's credit card waiting in line for 26 days to see n'sync. the line in the chorus is something like "i will fix you". and its so friggin awesome.

what does all this point to? well, i am extremely pumped for their new album and just hope that if the trend follows what ive seen so far, that this album will continue on the path of kick-ass-ness that coldplay seem to be on already. i hope that fame and fortune [and something called a hot/famous wife i.e. andre agassi-style] doesnt destroy coldplay and turn them into everything i, and a lot of others, hate about the music industry. as someone who feels like they are sort-of-kind-of in the industry [anyone know a good drummer?], it has been a long time since i have been this excited about a new album. i am very cynical and elitist when it comes to music, especially new music [and i admit it. sorry.]. please coldplay, i beg you: dont fail me now.

"when you get what you want, but not what you neeeeeed"

well i thought about the army...

so, after creating this blog and sort of thinking about who will actually read this, i have come to a few realizations about the reality of this thing. and it goes a little something like this:

1. i know for a fact that i am going to get in trouble for this. because this is a pseudo-diary and those are usually reserved for things that either bother you or are on your mind, thats most likely what im going to be talking about. and some of the people that read this are going to know enough about whats going on in my life that theyre going to know who im talking about. and when they see that im either talking about a) them, b) their friend(s) or c) their baby's momma, theyre going to be pissed when i say that i dont like some decision they made or some action they took. and ya know what? sucks for you. granted this thing will be semi-censored [i believe i had mentioned that before], there are definitely situations that i am going to talk about that the people involved will know who they are. and if you [being the people i fail to name but mention by situation] have a problem with me talking about the situation, you are more than welcome to say something to me. but that doesnt mean i'll change my mind or change my post. its the nature of the beast. granted its not that im using this to "talk shit" about people behind their backs. which is why i wont say names. but if you are perceptive enough to know that when i say "this person i know" actually means "michael", just know that everyone doesnt know what you do and its in no way a direct attack.

which also means that there's a shitload i'd like to talk about, but know it will get me in way too much trouble. and personally, i hate drama and dont really want to deal with that bullshit. you [the general "you"] know if you do things that hurt others or are just not right. if you have a problem getting called out, then dont do those things. my promise is that i will not use names unless absolutely necessary. cuz its not about turning others against said-people, its about my reaction to situations that may or may not come about. and also about what other people think, which is why a lot of questions will be posed. its not about bashing these people, its about how i feel about the things they do and then what others think [others being those who may comment on said postings]. got it? good.

II. i know that most people read these things to either find out about whats going on in someone's life, to maybe escape from work for 5 minutes or so, or just because of some general interest. which means that while im up here on my soapbox from time-to-time talking shit about this or that, i am probably going to come off as arrogant, egotystical, and self-centered. well, maybe not self-centered, but definitely self-richeous. and to be honest, thats not my goal in this thing either. i realize that everything i say is an opinion and people may agree or disagree with that opinion [granted those that disagree are wrong]. im kidding. relax. point is, im not saying that im right. im also not saying im wrong. im not trying to tell anyone who to be, or how to act, or what kind of cheese to put on your avocado sandwich. or if spicy mustard goes well with that combo or not. all im saying is that this is my opinion and try to have people see my side for a minute or two. and "my side" is that britney spears is a skank. so is condelezza rice.

three. i hate the word "blog". that word is about as smooth as "poop". not even. at least "poop" is the same backwards and forwards, which makes it kinda cool [i forget what they call words that do that... palindromes?]. its the kind of word that makes you feel like youre going to vomit when you say it. i dunno, i just think it sucks.

fore. i do not expect anyone to care about anything i say or think. granted, you may. but i am not that into myself that i expect people to read and listen to what i say. its a blog for godsake. goddamnit i hate that word. but yeah, its an online frickin' journal. its not something one lives one's life by. thats called a belief system, and we call that "dance-dance revolution" around these parts. so yeah, the point of this is to say that im not trying to change anyone's life. im just sort of getting things out there for my sake if others want to participate, cool. it not, whatevah. i do what i want. im gonna throw this out there, and if you like it you can keep it. if not, you can just throw it right back at me...

so, i think thats about it for now. if i think of anything else, it'll make for another entry so i can stall and put-off entering something that actually matters. wait, didnt we just establish that none of this matters? thaaaaaaaaaats right.

"in this time of introspection, on the eve of my election..."

if you could see it then you'd understand

so first things first; i've decided that every title to these entries that i make [which will probably be like, five, until i realize that i dont have time to do this or forget all about this whole 'blog' thing] will be from songs that are stuck in my head at the moment. and im pretty sure that it will be an easy task because since around 3 1/2 - 4 years old [when i started playing piano] ive always had a song stuck in my head. be it one of mine or someone else's. ive also decided that i am not going to capitalize anything except maybe names of people. and things that have to be. like, if i was thinking of joining a SWAT team. cuz if i said something like "i am thinking of joining a swat team" then people may think it had something to do with killing flies using fly-swatters instead of sweetie machine guns and rocket propelled grenades and shit.

now that that's taken care of, here's whats really on my mind: so after i graduated high school my parents moved to maine [from auburn, alabama -- where i grew up for 18 years minus the 2 years we lived in europe]. point being that all my best friends were/are still in auburn and the surrounding area. i remember being so pissed off at my father because i didnt want to move and not be able to "come home" to my friends over breaks. that also meant i was going to miss the "growing up and out of the high school bullshit" and into the people we were supposed to be. ok, really it had to do with wanting to kick it with them over summer and xmas breaks. whatever. point being, i didnt want to go for fear of missing out. well guess what? i missed out.

first of all, one of my best friends got married during the summer after freshman year. he didnt plan on it, but because of circumstances [i.e. a baby] he did. guess whats got two thumbs and couldnt make it down to the wedding? this guy. so im thinking "well, this was unexpected, early, etc, etc -- i'll make it down for my next buddy's wedding. that wont be for a while". [a little back-story, i had 4 best friends in HS who i hung out with for all four years]. well, another friend of mine [who happens to be Pakistani] informed me about a year or two ago that he was getting married, but not for some time. it was arranged, but his wife-to-be [i have no idea if its considered fiance or what] wanted to go to law school and so they werent "jumping into anything" as they say. one of my other friends is a pimp and isnt getting married anytime in the next decade. and sadly enough, i havent talked to my fourth friend in a long, long time. he moved to atlanta and disappeared.

so guess who gets an IM today with the message "dude, i got married. i was over in Pakistan. there are pictures on the web. check em out". again with the "this guy". and i would show you guys the pictures [by 'you guys' im addressing the ever elusive audience who may but most likely may-not be there], but i closed the message box and cant find them anywhere. crap.

what's the point of this? that i was right. that i have missed out. i know for a fact that if i was still rooted in auburn that i would have known and been invited at least. not that im going to fly over to Pakistan and get shot at by our own american troops [no offense buddy, but my bitch-ass is staying away from the 'liberation efforts' of our country]. i guess im just disappointed that time has made it where you spend four years of almost every class and weekend with the same group of guys, and next thing you know youre finding out they got married over aol instant messenger. nice job aol. way to keep people in touch. not that im saying my father should have passed up the job. hell no. but it just sucks that this is "how far we've fallen" so-to-speak. i would have never guessed that this is how i would find out one of my best friends from high school entered the next stage of his life. thats all. i guess im just shocked, and realize that im getting old and that people are setting up the rest of their lives. and then relaying those messages instantly. over instant messanger. cuz its instant. and a messaging system. got that?

and trust me, i know some friends from college that have or are in the planning process of getting married. and for some of them thats great, and for some of them they should detach themselves from the chain, look around at real life, and steer clear. but thats not my call to make for them, i just hope they make the right decisions for themselves. and i also hope they dont IM me telling me they got married and there are pictures online. i expect invitations. you people know if im talking about you. cuz if we're close enough friends that youre like "dude, i got married" then youre close enough to give me the heads up of "dude, so im getting married soon/in a few months/tomorrow, can you make it?" even my buddy from ENGLAND sent me a wedding invitation and gave me a YEAR'S warning. and guess who's going to fly over to england this august, drink ass-loads of guiness, make out with hot british chicks [i know, i know... but seriously, they do exist and i have seen them] and kick it in a kilt whilst running around the Scottish highlands? this guy. and i only knew Alex [my british buddy] for a few months of being counselors at summer camp together. thats friendship.

friends should invite friends to their weddings. seriously, you have like 10 billion invitations to that shit. if you dont know my address, IM me. i'll give it to you. everyone can use free food. and crappy djs.

on the other hand, guess who didnt have to buy a wedding present? cheap guy.

alright im done. "ah, when you see it then you'll understand"