if you could see it then you'd understand

so first things first; i've decided that every title to these entries that i make [which will probably be like, five, until i realize that i dont have time to do this or forget all about this whole 'blog' thing] will be from songs that are stuck in my head at the moment. and im pretty sure that it will be an easy task because since around 3 1/2 - 4 years old [when i started playing piano] ive always had a song stuck in my head. be it one of mine or someone else's. ive also decided that i am not going to capitalize anything except maybe names of people. and things that have to be. like, if i was thinking of joining a SWAT team. cuz if i said something like "i am thinking of joining a swat team" then people may think it had something to do with killing flies using fly-swatters instead of sweetie machine guns and rocket propelled grenades and shit.

now that that's taken care of, here's whats really on my mind: so after i graduated high school my parents moved to maine [from auburn, alabama -- where i grew up for 18 years minus the 2 years we lived in europe]. point being that all my best friends were/are still in auburn and the surrounding area. i remember being so pissed off at my father because i didnt want to move and not be able to "come home" to my friends over breaks. that also meant i was going to miss the "growing up and out of the high school bullshit" and into the people we were supposed to be. ok, really it had to do with wanting to kick it with them over summer and xmas breaks. whatever. point being, i didnt want to go for fear of missing out. well guess what? i missed out.

first of all, one of my best friends got married during the summer after freshman year. he didnt plan on it, but because of circumstances [i.e. a baby] he did. guess whats got two thumbs and couldnt make it down to the wedding? this guy. so im thinking "well, this was unexpected, early, etc, etc -- i'll make it down for my next buddy's wedding. that wont be for a while". [a little back-story, i had 4 best friends in HS who i hung out with for all four years]. well, another friend of mine [who happens to be Pakistani] informed me about a year or two ago that he was getting married, but not for some time. it was arranged, but his wife-to-be [i have no idea if its considered fiance or what] wanted to go to law school and so they werent "jumping into anything" as they say. one of my other friends is a pimp and isnt getting married anytime in the next decade. and sadly enough, i havent talked to my fourth friend in a long, long time. he moved to atlanta and disappeared.

so guess who gets an IM today with the message "dude, i got married. i was over in Pakistan. there are pictures on the web. check em out". again with the "this guy". and i would show you guys the pictures [by 'you guys' im addressing the ever elusive audience who may but most likely may-not be there], but i closed the message box and cant find them anywhere. crap.

what's the point of this? that i was right. that i have missed out. i know for a fact that if i was still rooted in auburn that i would have known and been invited at least. not that im going to fly over to Pakistan and get shot at by our own american troops [no offense buddy, but my bitch-ass is staying away from the 'liberation efforts' of our country]. i guess im just disappointed that time has made it where you spend four years of almost every class and weekend with the same group of guys, and next thing you know youre finding out they got married over aol instant messenger. nice job aol. way to keep people in touch. not that im saying my father should have passed up the job. hell no. but it just sucks that this is "how far we've fallen" so-to-speak. i would have never guessed that this is how i would find out one of my best friends from high school entered the next stage of his life. thats all. i guess im just shocked, and realize that im getting old and that people are setting up the rest of their lives. and then relaying those messages instantly. over instant messanger. cuz its instant. and a messaging system. got that?

and trust me, i know some friends from college that have or are in the planning process of getting married. and for some of them thats great, and for some of them they should detach themselves from the chain, look around at real life, and steer clear. but thats not my call to make for them, i just hope they make the right decisions for themselves. and i also hope they dont IM me telling me they got married and there are pictures online. i expect invitations. you people know if im talking about you. cuz if we're close enough friends that youre like "dude, i got married" then youre close enough to give me the heads up of "dude, so im getting married soon/in a few months/tomorrow, can you make it?" even my buddy from ENGLAND sent me a wedding invitation and gave me a YEAR'S warning. and guess who's going to fly over to england this august, drink ass-loads of guiness, make out with hot british chicks [i know, i know... but seriously, they do exist and i have seen them] and kick it in a kilt whilst running around the Scottish highlands? this guy. and i only knew Alex [my british buddy] for a few months of being counselors at summer camp together. thats friendship.

friends should invite friends to their weddings. seriously, you have like 10 billion invitations to that shit. if you dont know my address, IM me. i'll give it to you. everyone can use free food. and crappy djs.

on the other hand, guess who didnt have to buy a wedding present? cheap guy.

alright im done. "ah, when you see it then you'll understand"